Blogs » Diego the Magnificent - contest entry
Diego the Magnificent - contest entry
-
INT. BAR - NIGHT
A somewhat trendy club with couches in the back lounge area.
ANDREW HART, very nice, average looks, absurdly shy, sits alone when SOMMER DAY, drop dead gorgeous and knows it, enters with her less than average looking, very chunky, homely, unibrowed, friend GRETCHEN.
Andrew approaches, turns to Sommer and his eyes light up as he STAMMERS.
ANDREW
Sommer, what’s up? How you been? What’s going on?
SOMMER
Hi Andrew. You remember my roommate, Gretchen.
GRETCHEN
(excited)
Hi Andrew.
ANDREW
(not excited)
Hi.
SOMMER
Have you seen Mike?
ANDREW
(disappointed)
He’s over there.
ANGLE ON
MIKE POTTS, very handsome, athletic, is across the bar, tucked away in a corner, kissing a girl.
BACK TO SCENE
SOMMER
Who’s the slut?
ANDREW
Who cares? It’s someone different every week. Besides, you’re much prettier than she is.
SOMMER
You’re sweet, Andrew. That’s why I’m hanging out with you tonight.
INT. BAR - LATER
Gretchen sits next to Andrew who focuses on the baseball game on the television as Sommer makes out with Mike on a couch in the background.
GRETCHEN
Sommer’s having a good time.
Annoyed, Andrew peers at Sommer and Mike lip-locked.
ANDREW
(mumbling)
I’m going home with her.
GRETCHEN
What?
ANDREW
Nothing.
GRETCHEN
I have tickets to the Quakes game tomorrow. My cousin is the third baseman. Do you like minor league baseball?
ANDREW
Are you kidding? It’s the purest form of the sport. Your cousin is Matt Richmond?
GRETCHEN
Yeah.
ANDREW
He’s their best prospect for the majors. He hit twenty six home runs in thirty two games last season. That’s so cool.
GRETCHEN
I’m more impressed with the fact that he can bunt and steal bases. You don’t see enough of that in the majors.
ANDREW
That’s so true.
GRETCHEN
So would you like to go?
ANDREW
Is Sommer going?
GRETCHEN
I only have two tickets. Sommer hates baseball.
ANDREW
A free ticket to a Quakes game. Sure, I’ll go.
GRETCHEN
Great.
(beat)
I’m gonna go check on Sommer.
Gretchen gets up and walks to the back when the front door opens and DIEGO THE MAGNIFICENT enters with a GORGEOUS GIRL on each arm.
Sporting a thin mustache, pointy beard and tuxedo with a cape, Diego sits down next to Andrew.
ANDREW
You really should share. There are some guys out there that don’t even have one beautiful girl.
DIEGO
Beauty is only skin deep.
ANDREW
I can’t imagine those two girls being more beautiful on the inside.
Sommer and Mike return from the back room.
SOMMER
Andrew, I gotto go. I’ll call you.
ANDREW
What do you mean? I thought we were going back to my place to watch “Sixteen Candles.”
SOMMER
Something came up.
ANDREW
What do you mean? What came up?
Mike reaches for the zipper on his pants.
MIKE
You really want to see it?
Sommer CHUCKLES and smacks Mike on the arm flirtatiously.
SOMMER
Stop.
(to Andrew)
Do me a favor, make sure Gretchen gets home safe?
ANDREW
What?
Sommer rubs her hand on Mike’s face, tilts her head and gives him the sad eyes.
SOMMER
Please.
ANDREW
Okay.
Sommer and Mike exit.
DIEGO
That was pathetic.
ANDREW
Save it, “Mister I have two hot girls.”
DIEGO
You’re the friend, the nice guy; that’s your problem.
ANDREW
I like being a nice guy. Brad Pitt’s a nice guy and he’s had Jennifer Anniston and Angelina Jolie.
DIEGO
You’re not gonna make me say it, are you?
ANDREW
I know I’m no Brad Pitt. It’s just her. I can’t even think about other women. All I think about is her. I want her so bad. Being nice isn’t my problem. My problem is her.
DIEGO
I can help.
ANDREW
How?
DIEGO
I’m Diego the Magnificent.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. BAR - LOUNGE AREA - EVEN LATER
Andrew, eyes closed, hands on his knees, sits across from Diego.
DIEGO
You’re getting sleepy, very sleepy; and sleep.
Andrew’s head falls forward as he sleeps.
DIEGO (CONT'D)
Andrew, can you here me?
ANDREW
Yes.
DIEGO
Answer, “yes, Diego the Magnificent.”
ANDREW
Yes, Diego the Magnificent.
DIEGO
Andrew, When you wake you will live your life differently. When I wake you, you’ll still be a nice guy but when you see your friend Sommer in person you will find her very unattractive, borderline hideous. In the flesh, she will be a virtual monster. In addition you will find her boring. In your eyes, she’ll be a complete and total bore. Do you understand?
ANDREW
Yes, Diego the Magnificent.
DIEGO
Wake.
Andrew lifts his head up and looks around when Gretchen enters the lounge.
GRETCHEN
I gotta go home.
INT. CAB ON ROAD - NIGHT
Andrew and Gretchen sit quietly in the backseat - a good two feet apart - as a song comes on the RADIO.
GRETCHEN
I love this song.
ANDREW
Half Penny Marvels.
GRETCHEN
They’re awesome! And the lead singer is hot.
ANDREW
Have you ever seen them live?
GRETCHEN
Unfortunately, no.
ANDREW
They put on a great show.
INT. ANDREW’S APARTMENT - DAY
A loud KNOCK on the door. Andrew pulls himself out of the futon and drags himself to the door and opens.
It’s Sommer.
ANDREW
Yes.
SOMMER
What do you mean yes? Let me in.
Sommer, dressed in a skimpy outfit that includes the g-string underwear sticking out of her short shorts, barges in as Andrew’s roommate, BEN, kinda nerdy, also infatuated with Sommer exits his bedroom.
ANDREW
Sommer, I was sleeping.
SOMMER
You’re not sleeping anymore.
ANDREW
I really need to sleep.
SOMMER
I didn’t do it. I was so good.
Andrew turns and goes back to the futon. Ben watches amazed.
SOMMER (CONT'D)
Andrew, are you listening? I didn’t sleep with him.
Still sleepy and lying down, Andrew looks up at her.
ANDREW’S P.O.V.
Sommer is - to say it nicely - grotesque.
ANDREW
You mean; he didn’t sleep with you.
BACK TO SCENE
We see Sommer as the beautiful woman she is.
SOMMER
Excuse me.
BEN
I’ll listen to your story, Sommer.
Sommer ignores Ben.
SOMMER
Fine, I’ll come back later.
Sommer leaves.
BEN
I can’t believe you just did that.
ANDREW
I’m trying to sleep.
BEN
Didn’t you see what she was wearing?
ANDREW
Please, Ben, leave me alone.
EXT. MINOR LEAGUE BASEBALL PARK - DAY (MUSIC MONTAGE)
A QUAKE BASEBALL PLAYER hits a home run. Andrew and Gretchen stand and CHEER along with the other fans.
Andrew and Gretchen high five.
BASEBALL ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
A home run for Matt Richmond.
The HOT DOG VENDOR approaches. Andrew orders two hot dogs. Gretchen gives Andrew a hungry look so he changes his order to three.
EXT. PARK - DAY
Andrew and Gretchen walk and talk. They LAUGH, smile and horse around.
END MUSIC MONTAGE
ANDREW
Personally, I think Harold Ramis is one of the best filmmakers out there.
GRETCHEN
I love the movie Groundhog Day.
ANDREW
I’m impressed. Not too many people can rattle off a Harold Ramis film like that. Meanwhile he wrote classics like Animal House and Caddyshack and directed Meatballs and Groundhog Day. You are a well rounded woman.
(backing up)
Figuratively speaking.
GRETCHEN
Good save.
INT. ANDREW’S APARTMENT - EVENING
Andrew enters to Sommer in a yellow bikini and Ben in awe of her perfect body.
SOMMER
Where were you?
ANDREW
A Quakes game with Gretchen.
SOMMER
A what with who?
ANDREW
You know; your best friend, Gretchen.
SOMMER
What’s a Quakes game? More importantly, do you like my new bikini?
ANDREW
I’m not crazy about yellow.
SOMMER
What?
BEN
Yeah, what? I love yellow. You really make yellow work.
ANDREW
I gotta get ready, excuse me.
SOMMER
I thought we were gonna watch “The Breakfast Club.”
ANDREW
I’m going to see the Half Penny Marvels with Gretchen.
SOMMER
(to Ben)
Would you excuse us?
BEN
I live here.
Sommer stares at Ben.
BEN (CONT'D)
I’ll go in my room.
Sommer approaches Andrew and cozies up to him seductively.
Ben, with the bedroom door ajar, listens intently.
SOMMER
I really want to curl up with you and watch a video tonight. I’ll make it worth your while.
ANDREW’S P.O.V.
Sommer is still hideous.
ANDREW
Another time, maybe.
SOMMER
Fine!
Sommer storms out. Ben returns.
ANDREW
Why would I want to watch a John Hughes film?
BEN
What’s the difference? She’s wants to cuddle with you - in a bikini!
ANDREW
She should not be wearing a bikini.
BEN
What are you talking about? She is a perfect candidate for the bikini.
ANDREW
Have you been drinking? She’s downright hideous.
Ben pulls his wallet from his pants pocket, opens it and shows Andrew a picture.
BEN
She’s hideous?
ANDREW’S P.O.V.
In the picture, Sommer is beautiful.
ANDREW
That’s not her.
BEN
What is going on? What happened to you between yesterday and today?
EXT. THEATRE - EVENING (ESTABLISHING)
The sign reads:
NOW PERFORMING: “DIEGO THE MAGNIFICENT”
INT. BACKSTAGE - EVENING
Off screen, the crowd APPLAUDS from the auditorium as the curtain goes down.
Diego exits stage left to an awaiting Andrew.
ANDREW
We need to talk.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. BACKSTAGE - DAY (MOMENTS LATER)
Andrew and Diego.
DIEGO
You ignored her and now she wants you. Interesting turn of events.
ANDREW
You have to fix this.
INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE SOMMER & GRETCHEN’S APARTMENT - EVENING
Andrew KNOCKS on the door.
GRETCHEN & SOMMER
Come on in.
INT. SOMMER & GRETCHEN’S APARTMENT - EVENING
Andrew enters as Sommer rushes out of her bedroom in a new bikini. This one is even hotter and skimpier than the other.
SOMMER
There’s no yellow in this one.
Sommer approaches and WHISPERS in Andrew’s ear-
SOMMER (CONT'D)
It’s so comfortable I think I’ll wear it all night unless you can coax me out of it.
Andrew steps back and peers at Sommer.
ANDREW’S P.O.V.
Sommer is still hideous and she looks as though she should not be wearing a bikini as her excess fat just hangs over.
ANDREW
No thanks.
Suddenly, Gretchen exits her bedroom behind Sommer with a tight “Half Penny Marvels” t-shirt rolled up showing off her perfect breasts, as a mini skirt and thick, high heels enhance her sculpted legs.
The unibrow is divided into two sexy lines and her body is a perfect hourglass as she looks like a supermodel.
GRETCHEN
I’m ready.
Andrew smiles as Gretchen seductively saunters toward him.
ANDREW
Let’s go.
Sommer is stunned.
BACK TO SCENE
As Andrew and Gretchen exit, we see the real frumpy Gretchen that is his date and the super hot Sommer that’s left behind.
FADE TO BLACK.
Comments